Time To Stop Blaming Her #InfertilityNotATaboo
Megha and Ajay were married off by their parents in style, following every custom and adhering to every muhurat the astrologer knew. Their kundalis were matched and found to be perfect for each other. We, Megha’s friends used to make fun of how in the times of Tinder she was ready to marry someone she has met just twice, once when he came to see her and second on the day of her their engagement.
Ajay had seemed like a decent chap, though initially we were wary about him. Who agrees to arranged marriages these days? Especially rich and good-looking guys like him. The honeymoon pics and the profile pictures that changed every weekend indicated marital bliss and that kind of gave us some peace. Slowly we retracted from their lives, letting Megha make her family a priority.
Years passed and we had come to terms with the fact that life changes with time and that friends have minimal roles in our lives to play post marriage. It was an impromptu meet, when we ran into each other at the mall. Catching up with each other was out of the question. She told me that she was working as a manager of corporate communications in one of the popular firms in the city and Ajay was looking after his father’s business. The next question I asked was about her children. Surely they must be of school going age, my own twins were in the second standard now.
I was not looking at her face when she muttered something and so, could not make out what it was that she was trying to convey.
“We don’t have any children”
There was a look of total despair as she spoke those words, I noticed that the smile had vanished from her face. Her eyes looked like grey pools of depression and the absence of the word ‘yet’ struck me. Surely, it was not because they had issues conceiving? But she was the healthiest among all of our friends, what could be wrong with her? I had no clue how to take the conversation forward, I did not know if she even wanted to talk about it. Thankfully, her words came to my rescue.
“You know Sree, we tried. For years we did, but then things started changing. Ajay was a rock in the beginning, he would stand by me and support me whenever inquisitive relatives asked for good news. Even when his parents got angry on me, he would protect me and pacify me each time I cried. We took hundreds of tests and scans, met scores of doctors and tried every kind of medicine, but nothing seemed to work. The doctors could not even find out what was wrong with me.
Couple of years back, we went to another doctor. She suggested that this time Ajay too get some tests done. He was bewildered, unable to fathom why he should undergo tests to ascertain his capability to father progeny. After a lot of fighting and cajoling, he got the tests done. Since the day we got the results, he changed. For many moons I could not recognise my husband, Sree. He was broken, when he realized that he was the one who needed treatment. I tried my best at being there for him like he was for me. Male ego is fragile china. He started behaving like being with me somehow made him infertile. As if I had passed on my disease to him too, but to no avail. He outright rejected me, to an extent that he wanted divorce from me. Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. Hosseini was so right when he said this!”
Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. #InfertilityNotATaboo Click To Tweet
“So long story short, we don’t have children. Heck, we aren’t even ‘we’ anymore. We parted ways some time back and now I am trying to lead a life that will mean something at the end of the day, to make a positive change in someone’s life. No, you don’t have to be sorry Sree, it is okay. I know how to deal with it now.”
The words came tumbling out, as if they were waiting for an opportunity. How was she hiding so much pain behind her smile for this long? Why does the society always find fault with women when a couple cannot have children? Why can’t we see it just as another disease, why does stigma still surround this issue? Why don’t we realize that #InfertilityNotATabooWhy does the society always find fault with women when a couple cannot have children? #InfertilityNotATaboo Click To Tweet
This blog is to #SpreadAwareness about Infertility through Infertility Dost, India’s first website that facilitates couples to brave infertility with support and knowledge. You can find other links on Write Tribe.