Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

The day is still fresh in my memory. This same day, one year back. The day that changed all the days to follow, till life abandons my physical being.

The year before was a calamity, I cannot find another word to describe it. The fights, the allegations and the spiteful environment was bound to suck the life off anybody. There was not a single person in the family who was untouched by it all. Kavi’s death, no, not death. I must begin to accept that it was indeed suicide no matter how many times I told myself that it wasn’t. Him committing suicide was not something any of us even thought about in our worst nightmare. We could not see why he took the step he did. My younger brother…you have not even met him… you would have loved him so much kiddo. He would have pampered you and gone to the ends of the world to make sure all your wishes were fulfilled. But alas, there is nothing you or I can do about it.

Amma and achan had me, but for many years they wished for a sibling for me. Even though I was too young to understand it, I could see the yearning in their eyes as if there was some piece missing in their life. One June, God answered their prayers. A new member was added to the family on the poornima night. The celebration that filled our home when we brought amma and him from the hospital is something no words can ever do justice to. Some one or the other would keep coming home to visit the newborn baby, their arms laden with gifts for him. Tiny shoes and soft cotton white dresses; blankets, tiny pillows shaped like U and generous quantities of Johnson & Johnson baby products.

He grew up too soon and we were proud of the fine young man he was turning into. Always a topper in his class, he loved singing as much as he was crazy about football. Once he entered his teenage, he would keep checking in the mirror if finally his moustache had begun to grow. It was too funny to see the same scene repeated day after day. We never got to see him with a proper moustache, you know? Time played the trick on us and he was gone before we realized.

The time after that was the darkest period of our lives. You were not even born at that time. We kept breathing because we had to. Achan stopped going for his morning walk, amma was bedridden for months together. We have never made paalada ever since your uncle left us.

During the last rainy season, Priya came to see me. She told me all about you, and in that very instant I knew, I knew that you were the missing peice of my life. You are the cure to this disease afflicting my family and that you are the answer to all my prayers. The days till August 5th, 2015 flew by quickly. All the legal formalities were over and we brought you home.

Slowly but steadily, you worked your magic on everyone at home. Now, more than being my achan and amma, they are your appooppan and ammoomma. My heart melts when I see them playing with you, dressing you up in white cottons and those tiny shoes that made squeaky noises when you put your foot down. It is because you hold his callused hand with your tiny little fingers that achan goes for evening walks. It is because you love it, that amma has finally started preparing all the delicacies that your uncle loved too. You may not know this now, but someday you will realize that you are the Sun of their universe.

Happy Birthday my darling.
I am blessed to have you in my life.


tiny shoes

Tiny shoes is the prompt for the day 5 for BarAThon. Do read what the other bloggers have to say about Tiny Shoes here.

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10 thoughts on “Dear Diary”

  1. A child’s unburdened, unrestricted happiness can be so infectious, that the sadness we have will be washed away by that. 🙂 I liked the emotions here a lot.

    PS: Have pinged you a suggestion.
    Vinay Leo R.’s latest…Smriti {Part 6}My Profile

    • Wow, I have no idea how you landed up on such an old post, but thank you for the lovely comment. I am so glad it tugged at your heartstrings.


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