The Suicide Note

 

“Why dear God did you create me if you had no love for me. Why did you leave me into this world where nobody cares about me or loves me? I might as well be dead and nobody would notice. Not even you.
For what fault of mine did you make me like this, what sin have I committed to be condemned to exist like this, useless, unloved and unwanted.

When everyone my age went to school, I was bound and locked up. Why? Because I was different, because I was unique? Oh no, not unique I was weird, the crack head, the one who went cuckoo.

When others my age got sweets and clothes for festivals, what did I get? Leftovers from my siblings’ plates? Is it too much to ask to be treated like a human?

If they did not want me, why did they give birth to me? If they think I’m the devil’s child why do they still keep me locked up, why can’t they kill me or sacrifice and give my blood to the deity or whatever it is that they do with children like me.

If this was the life you planned for me, why did you not give me the strength to bear it all and not crumble under the pain. The physical pain itself is too much to bear, why you gave me this pain of being not accepted into my own family too!!!

Today I’m ready. Ready to leave this hateful world forever. I have no drop of joy left in me, no iota of desire to live. I’ve seen enough and been tormented enough to take another breath and fuel this wretched existence. I have had enough of being a burden to the very family I’m supposed to look after, im fed up of making my family shed tears and lament over the birth of someone like me. I’ve had enough of it all. Now I understand that the world is no place for people like me, who are born only to repent for some sins of past lives and to torment themselves and seek redemption. But I’ve had enough, I don’t seek redemption. All I ever asked for is acceptance, a bit of love and someone to share my pain with.

But yes, there is one wish. Don’t let anyone else go through what I’ve been through. Never create another child like me. Please.” 

 

*****

Blogging For Suicide Prevention Badge

USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.

This is written for WriteTribe, where we bloggers have come together to blog for a cause that is close to many of our hearts. 

The international theme for World Suicide Prevention Day 2013 is Stigma: a major barrier to suicide prevention.

Please use the hashtag #suicideprevention to tweet/ share on Facebook.

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Writing to me is therapy, it frightens and comforts at the same time. Liberates like nothing else. A book in my own name is a dream, but a bigger dream would be to write something that haunts the reader even after the last page is turned and the book is shut. I enjoy reading and music, spending time with family whilst battling my social awkwardness.

22 thoughts on “The Suicide Note

  1. Mental Illness should be treated like any other disease but the stigma attached to it has to be broken. Chaining the affected person , confining him/her to a secluded place , depriving of the basic necessities is a crime. No person should lift his pen to write a suicide note.

  2. I am saddened by the state of children born with a mental disability. I have a cousin who was a special child and I have seen how people really treat such children and they way they are treated. Its a blessing that my aunt took great care of the child but the others who would visit would look at him with discriminating eyes. Really sad.
    Rainbow Hues’s latest…Movie Review : Shuddh Desi RomanceMy Profile

  3. I commented here twice but comments were not posted 🙁
    not sure what the issue is
    anyway I wanted to say that To think that some one actually writes such suicide notes is really painful

  4. I read this with a heavy heart, recognizing the voice of a young person who felt thrown away, ignored and forgotten by society. The stigma of mental illness is far reaching, and fractures a whole family. It also fosters that ugly blanket of silence due to shame, judgment, lack of education on the whole issue and a boatload of other negatives. This was a clear representation of what people stricken with mental illness go through.

    – Dawn
    Dawn’s latest…Fabric of realityMy Profile

  5. Made me sad … What hurts is that the pain people with disabilities go through is not fiction..it is for real … I have felt this pain for my brothers who have hearing and speech disability… it is the protection and warmth a family can provide which can insulate them from the outside..but there too one has to be very careful..dun overdo..make them feel normal always
    Shiva’s latest…To be or Not to BeMy Profile

  6. Very sad … I have no words to describe what I am feeling deep within, its so true. … I am feeling terrible after reading this…. all I can say is, life is precious and we must do our bit to reach out to those around us and I want to do my bit…
    G Angela’s latest…YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCEMy Profile

  7. My name is Emma Barrett and I am an Actress/Filmmaker in Los Angeles. I am in the process of raising funds on Kickstarter to make a film based on Simone Back and the shocking true story of her suicide announcement on Facebook that was ignored and ridiculed. This film will hold up a mirror to today’s society and will address the desolate human disconnection that we self-generate with the fear of not being “perfect” or “normal” in society. When it’s actually the imperfections that make us human… and vulnerable… and beautiful. To check out my Kickstarter campaign, please visit http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/emmabarrett/take-the-reins
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