Paru’s Umwelt

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Paru’s Umwelt

The day had begun like always. There was nothing different in the sunrise today and the sunrise yesterday – Paru slept late as usual and missed seeing the sunrise yet again. The breakfast was those white fluffy things again, mom was telling paa that it was quite easy to make. But Paru hated them so much! In fact she was about to throw up as soon as she put one piece in her mouth and when she tried to put her finger into the mouth to pull out that white sponge that was stuck to her throat, paa called her disgusting. He shouted out to mumma that he couldn’t tolerate Paru any longer. What if that kid with the runny nose heard paa? He would come and ask my paa to be his paa, because his paa was now a star in the sky. Would that noisy Pinky hear her paa shout and make fun of him?

Paa made a huge noise when he shut the door, calling out to mumma. But mumma was sitting on the floor in the kitchen holding her head in her hands and poking her eyes with the funny shaped cloth she wore when working in the kitchen.

Paru doesn’t like the kitchen much. Paru had gone there looking for her doll once and the aunty who came to sweep the house put something in her hand and told her she would do it again if she came into the kitchen. Paru doesn’t like to go there anymore. Today she must go. Her mumma is sniffing into her clothes, looking like a wet dog.

Why does she always look at Paru like that. Paru feels bad for herself when mumma does that. Paru knows she is not like her brother, but her brother went to school every day while Paru stayed at home with mumma. Paru tried her best to be a good girl and to sit in the same place from morning to evening, till mumma was free. The humming inside her head did not let her be a good girl for long. If she tried to close her ears tightly so it would stop, the humming would return as soon as she opened her ears again. Paru stopped going to school a few days after the humming started, but she still can write her own name and also her brother’s.

The humming likes Paru’s brother. It listens when he talks. It doesn’t listen even when Paru is speaking. But he doesn’t like Paru much, he calls her nutcase. Is that even a word.. hah! No use sending him to school.

The humming has started and Paru cannot take it any longer. She knows that if she jumps from the top of her building, it will stop. The humming itself had told her so. She must go and jump soon, she must make the humming stop.

[Every day, people with mental disorders go through hell – not because of the disease itself, but because of the lack of understanding of the other ‘normal’ people around them. Negligence and apathy causes their death. Their lives too are important. Because you do not understand them, you call them crazy. One day, when they will be more in number, they will call you psycho.]

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Writing to me is therapy, it frightens and comforts at the same time. Liberates like nothing else. A book in my own name is a dream, but a bigger dream would be to write something that haunts the reader even after the last page is turned and the book is shut. I enjoy reading and music, spending time with family whilst battling my social awkwardness.

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22 thoughts on “Paru’s Umwelt

  1. That is very touchy…We really ignore people with certain shortcomings but that does not mean that they have no place in this world..

  2. Oh! Your work always surprises me. Thank you . . Again . .
    I am off to vote for you . . .

    (your birthday??? Gotta tell you – i am Glad you were born . . . What a Brilliant Light you are in the world.)

    love & love,
    -g-

  3. I’ve taught and worked with a number of special needs children (one of them, my brother). They are the sweetest people in the world, but it’s almost impossible to communicate what they want or need sometimes. I would get frustrated too if hypersensitivities kept getting in the way of human interaction.
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  4. I knew someone with schizophrenia, and I have had first hand experience with someone with OCD…what they go through can literally be hell for the mind. It’s also hard for us to understand exactly what it is they suffer. But one thing I do know….do not judge! Thanks for sharing this great story, will be coming by your blog often!

  5. Unfortunately, We Indians call People with Intellectual Disability either as insane or lunatic. We don’t look at their disability as biological disorder. Again, instead of understanding their problems and taking good care of them, we sometimes treat them as ‘possessed’ and make them go under untold sufferings. We need to change our psyche and mind-set. This post underscores our responsibility toward the mentally challenged people.

  6. that’s sad, fortunately I have seen a different picture closer home…..my cousin who has a special child treats him with so much care and respect that the boy has really grown up to be so loving and sensitive, through his disability. He is now 14 and has been attending a special school…
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    • It is pretty sad. But it is very inspiring to see that more and more people now understand the kind of pain these special children are in. I am glad that your cousin has done such an exemplary job of raising his son.

  7. So true Bhavya.. I have felt what you wrote.. as a kid always used to hate going to social gatherings with family…the world was deaf and dumb to the emotional storm its insenstivities created in the hearts of my brothers.. and well the world thought they were deaf and dumb.
    You have really heard the humming…beautifully written
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