Break the connection. Kill the emotion. That is what I chant, that is what my aim is for now, for you. Maybe it will be impossible for me; maybe I will breakdown in the process. But since this is what you truly want, this is what you will be happy with; I will give it to you. No matter what the consequences are.
All the times we sat beside each other in class, you kept repeating not to get close to you as you were just a guy with no real emotions or feelings of warmth towards anyone in general. All the time, though I listened to you with a calm expression and admiration on my face, I was hoping fervently that maybe I am the one who will bring the change in you, I am the one whom you will refer to as a friend, I am the one you will have some warm feelings towards.
Sadly, I realize it now. All the time you said those harsh words to me, you were telling me the truth and preparing me for this pain that was certain to come. That one day would come when we would certainly part ways, and were never likely to be in touch ever again. That one fine day, I will sit up in class, and find your seat vacant, for you would go away as you always â€˜threatenedâ€™ me.
The math problems you helped me with, the way you brought me back on track whenever I showed lack of faith, the way you would care for me in your own â€˜weirdâ€™ way, the flaunting and showing off that we did together and separately, the comments we passed at every stranger on the road, are some of the very few things I will never forget, no matter how much it irritates you to think that I still remember you.
I do not regret the time I spent with you, nor do I regret having developed warm feelings and emotions for you. I do not blame you for â€˜usingâ€™ me or having taken any sort of advantage of this relationship of ours. I will still be the same what you found me, and will always be the person you left me as â€“ a huge bundle of emotions, spontaneous laughter and a girl who would have rivers flowing down her eyes at the drop of a hat. And I will still have the same emotions I had back then.Â
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Writing to me is therapy, it frightens and comforts at the same time. Liberates like nothing else. A book in my own name is a dream, but a bigger dream would be to write something that haunts the reader even after the last page is turned and the book is shut. I enjoy reading and music, spending time with family whilst battling my social awkwardness.
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